Remarkable Husbands

Yesterday I had conversations with two husbands who both said remarkable things.

The first one was with my neighbour who is in his 70's.  He said that, when faced with a decision, a woman was perfectly capable of  coming to her own conclusion, but that when she has made the decision she often lacks conviction.  "That's where I come in."  He said.  "By supporting my wife's decision I give her the confidence of her convictions." 
I thought this was a really lovely picture of a marriage.  Here is a husband who respects his wife's abilitys, is conscious of her limitations and helps her in a way which builds her up.  He doesn't take over her decisions for her, but helps her retain and strengthen her autonomy.  

The second conversation was on facebook with the husband of a good friend of mine of a similar age.
I had put out a general feeler message to see if anyone was interested in coming to New Zealand with me on a short break.  This husband volunteered his wife to go away on a holiday without him and the kids because, "she deserves it."  I was really impressed.  I have often been surprised at the amount of consideration between them.  How lovely for a husband to acknowledge that his wife is doing a really good job, especially when things have been a bit tough for them lately.  How gracious of him to not only acknowledge his wife's efforts, but to reward them in a way that will mean so much to her.


On a side note, I was looking up 'lovely' in the thesaurus and one of the synonyms was 'pulchritudinous'.  Seems a strange word to use when referring to a woman's beauty. 

Shoes

Note to self:  When you go on a date, don't wear shoes that you never wear. 

Why is it that women in our society are supposed to wear uncomfortable shoes in order to feel that they look good?  In fact we are supposed to have some sort of brain defect when it comes to shoes, that compels us to impulsively buy things that cost a lot of money, will make our backs hurt and take the skin off our heels. 
I went out with my husband last night on one of our two annual dates.  (We don't plan to only have two dates a year, but with little kids we don't have much opportunity or inclination for more.)  I wore a pair of shoes that I haven't worn in about a year.  I would like to qualify this by saying that I bought them with comfort in mind.  They are about the most comfortable looking pair of one-inch heels I could find.  Still, after we had walked down the pier to the restaurant, had dinner and walked back along the waterfront for a bit, they had done their worst and I couldn't wait to take them off in the car.  They also had an annoyingly loud clip clop that made me wish I'd worn my comfortable rubber flats, which are quite pretty, but make no noise and give me no blisters. 
It was funny seeing some of the other pairs of shoes struggling along the pier boardwalk.  It would seem that for those under 30, to look good in the evenings you have to be wearing at least a two inch heel, and a short skirt; an interesting effect when combined with an uneven surface like a boardwalk, and a few drinks.
Obviously I am reaching the ages of discretion.  I have concluded that really, nobody could care less about what shoes I wear in public, especially when it is semi-dark and mostly they are under a table.  It's really not going to make much difference if I am one inch taller, and the type of figure I cut in public is probably going to be more affected by my attitude than my shoes, (which are not, despite what advertising would tell us, an indication of my attitude.)
Next time I go out, my shoes will not be making an impact on my evening, my bank balance or my heels.

Annoying baby movies

I am not feeling real good.  My life is very peachy now, and I know that can be annoying for some people when things aren't so great in their lives.  I would just like to say that I know about pain and suffering too.  These things seem to have a habit of jumping out of the closet at you, when you think the door is shut. 
I just watched a movie about having babies.  For me, the experience of having babys really sucked, and has had fairly long repercussions.  I was annoyed that the women looked fairly normal after their birth scenes.  They had just been sprayed by someone with a misting bottle.  Even the one who supposedly lost a lot of blood.  If I made that movie, I would make those actresses go to the gym for 8 hours without eating before they filmed those scenes.  And I would make sure they had white faces when they had finished. 
I will say one positive thing about giving birth; it makes you draw on depths of strength and character that you never knew you had, and I find that gives me more confidence now.
And you get a baby at the end of it. 
(usually)

Three verbs

We often have ABC4kids on in our house.  It's called the babysitter.  When there are things you need to do and you want the kids immobilised for a bit, you just put it on and they usually stay there for a while.  Very useful.
There is a program that I have not so much watched, but been aware of in the background, called Octonauts.  I like it because it is a mission/adventure style program and it has a theme song with a catchy tune, like James Bond themesongs.  It also has three verbs pronounced prominently in the opening:  Explore, Rescue, Protect!
Apparently three verb descriptions are very popular with marketing worldwide.  From products, to businesses, and even churches, three verb catchlines are "IT".
I was awake lying in bed the other morning thinking about the Octonauts, "Explore, Rescue, Protect", and I thought, I wonder what my three verbs would be?  This is what I came up with, and the alliteration was completely unintended.

                                                         Explore, Encourage, Enjoy!

Explore:  I love exploring.  I love walking up creeks to see where they go.  I love going up mountains and seeing a great view.  Sometimes I like walking through cities and seeing what you can find, like down the arcades in Melbourne.  But mostly I prefer exploring nature.  I like exploring the reef, with  it's mountains, valleys and hidden caves all in miniature as I float above it and catch glimpses of iridescent fish. 
Not only do I love exploring nature, but I also love exploring ideas.  I find hearing about ideas and thinking about them life enriching.  My car radio is always tuned to Radio National, which gives me daily fodder for pondering, and I am about to start anthropology at uni, which will no doubt stretch me.

Encourage:  I really like encouraging people.  I am a terrible liar and I find it practically impossible to give un-genuine praise.  No.  I try to think of activites as well as words, that will be individually encouraging.  And I think I'm not bad at it.  It makes me feel quite joyful when I can see I've succeeded.

Enjoy!:  I'm not actually a hedonist.  And believe it or not, this is something that is supposed to be an integral part of being a christian.  The catechism's first question and answer is:

       What is the chief end of man?  The chief end of man is to know God and enjoy him forever.

Fancy that!  I find it fascinating and wonderful that the whole point of life is to know God and enjoy him forever!  The bible talks about God's characteristics being present in nature - the endless expanse of stars, the strength and immovability of mountains, the everlasting rhythm of the ocean, the power of the storm, and the amazingly intricate cellular structure of living things.  And God has intended us to enjoy these things, and know and enjoy Him, through these things.
I think that is wonderful. 

 I would love to hear what other people's three verbs might be.

Everyone wants a piece of me

Thats how it feels sometimes, being a wife and mother.  There's always someone to be fed, watered, nappy changed, homeworked, watched perform some amazing skill, read to, played with, driven here, driven there etc. 
Yesterday was a particularly busy day.  From 1pm, the day was scheduled to the minute.  Many good things were done.  But after the kids were put to bed and the kitchen was cleaned, I was seriously ready for some down time.
Finally, no-one wants anything from me.  No, no, hold on.  My husband wants me to watch tele with him.  And because I love him, I do.  Willingly.
I'm sorry I fell asleep honey.  I did enjoy the show.
So, now it is 5am and I am up blogging because now, everyone is asleep and finally
                              No-one wants a piece of me!

This week.

My husband was away last week and I felt mentally really tired.  I am really enjoying having him back.

Well, alot happening this week.  My parents are coming to visit and it is O week at Uni so I will try to get to some info events as well as doing all the normal stuff.  I have to finalise my subject selection. 

I had been planning to put my two year old in care two days a week and I checked out a few centres during the holidays.  There was nothing wrong with them, but I felt really hesitant to put him in.  In the end, I decided I would look after him myself.  I really enjoy his company at this age.  He's so cute and into things.  And he has a two to three hour sleep in the middle of the day.  The reason I wanted to go to uni was to get some mental stimulation and adult company, but when it comes down to it, I prefer my son's company.  So I will start by taking an external subject, and reassess the situation each semester. 

I am looking forward to uni, but I am a bit nervous about juggling everything, and what if I suck at essay writing now?  I am trying to focus on the goal, which, to put it simplisticly, is to have a better understanding of how the world works.  It's part of my 'who I want to be in ten years' plan. 

Must also tidy the spare room.  I have been keeping the house pretty clean this last week.  While my husband was away I felt like a juggler trying to keep all the balls in the air.  I felt that if I dropped one, everything would come crashing down.  So there was extra effort to tidy each day and it was really nice having a clean house.  Well, downstairs, that is.  The spare room bed is still covered by mountains of clean washing.  Having visitors seems to be the only motivation to put it all away.

I miss my husband

I miss my husband when he isn't here.
 I miss sharing the burden of responsibility for our kids.  It makes me feel so tired.  If I don't do something, he's not there to pick up the slack.
I miss having him ask me if I've fed the dog.  I wonder what else I've forgotten.
I miss having him bath the kids or take them for a swim.
I miss going for walks with him in the evening.
I miss just being able to pass him bills.
I miss kissing him on the way out the door.
I miss listening to him tell me about his day.
I miss playing music with him.
I miss him putting one of the kids to bed.
I miss him when there are strange noises at night.
But most of all, I miss sitting down with him after everything else has been done, having a glass of wine, sitting close to each other and just talking about things.
I miss my best mate.

Priorities and Lies

If that's what you want, you should go for it.

This modern era seems to be characterised by the ethos that we can have whatever we want.  And screw the consequences.  Those of us on the dodgy end of the deal should be happy to be used and abused because somebody else is getting what they want. 

I think the pendulum has swung too far.  Women's liberation has done a great deal of good and has reduced many abuses.  But I think that it also encouraged people to be more selfish. 

Think of the way that word is used now.  Selfish.  It used to be seen as a negative thing.   As children, we were told not to be selfish.  Now, people say things like, "It's good to be a bit selfish," and, "You have to be selfish to take good care of yourself."  I think the last phrase is telling.  'Good care of yourself'.

It seems that looking after number one has taken priority over the responsibilities we have towards others.  If we are in a marriage and we fall in love with somebody else, what does society tell us to do?  Get a divorce.  Go and follow your dreams with the one you love.  Don't worry about the husband and children whose hearts you might be breaking.  They'll get over it.  You deserve to have the life you want.

Lies!  It's all lies.  'Lies' is not a strong enough word for it.  Rubbish.  Bollocks.  Deceit.

Love.  It can be such a small thing and such a big thing.  The Cambridge Dictionaries Online defines love as -
           to like another adult very much and be romantically and sexually attracted to them, 
          or to have  strong feelings of liking a friend or person in your family.

This seems like such a small love.  In the bible, a man is called to love his wife as he loves himself.  Not, until someone else comes along, or when it suits him.  No.  We should love our spouses as much as we love ourselves.  The bible also talks about love as an action, not a feeling.  Ephesians 5 says we should 'follow God's example' and -
          walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us 
 We may not always feel overly loving towards our husbands, or our children, but it is our actions that matter. 
It seems pretty clear to me.  As christians, we are not here to get everything we want.  We are here to serve others, and give ourselves up for others.  
Very anti-modern.  What were they thinking 2000 years ago? 

Coming of age...again

Phrase dictionary's definition: reaching maturity, respectability or prominence.

I've decided that 'coming of age' is something we keep on doing all our lives.  It's a nice subjective phrase.  Who's to say when we've reached maturity?  Perhaps we do it every decade or so.

 The idea that we come of age throughout our lives excites me.  Coming of age implies new challenges, roles, responsibilities and rewards.  Remember how having to pay the rent also meant having the freedom to do what you wanted, when you wanted?  And having to go to work on time also meant being able to decide how you would spend your money? 
I am enjoying having to get a child ready for school, because it means I actually have a few hours to myself during the day when the toddler sleeps. 
I am looking forward to having assignment deadlines, because it will give me a feeling of satisfaction when it is done.  I am looking forward to the challenge of juggling my household and study because it will broaden my mind and give me a better understanding of the world.

I wonder what new roles and challenges I will be facing in ten years time?  The possibilities abound.
Am I looking forward to 'coming of age' throughout my life?  Absolutely!

BRING IT ON!


I managed to bang my little finger on the floor this morning and it has swollen up.  Obviously haven't reached maturity when it comes to spacial awareness.

Advice to a friend

Advice to a friend who is married with children. I realise that I have made some generalisations here. Please don't take offence if your circumstances are different. Everybody has their own circumstances.

On the subject of getting a Saturday job.

Don't worry about your mortgage. That is your husband's job. And although its nice to get it down, all you really need to do is pay your set amount each month.

It's more important that you do your job well, which is being a Mum and being the domestic logistics manager. If you try to take on too much, you will not be able to do everything properly. You'll get stressed, tired and grumpy, and then you'll feel guilty about being a bad Mum.

It's far better to do your job properly, run a happy family and have a happy home for your husband to come home to.

Men also have an inbuilt need to provide for their family. If you go and get a Saturday job, they may feel that you don't think they are doing a good enough job providing. It is very important to let each person in a marriage do their job properly, and be appreciated for doing it. You need to show him that you trust that he will provide for you, and that you appreciate him for doing it. He needs to show you that he appreciates all the work that you do for your family.
 

Sometimes this is hard when one partner is not working, because they have no dollar sign next to their name. It is easy to underestimate someone's worth when they don't have a pay check.
However, Mums who stay at home are really important.  They do a great deal of work, day and night and spend a lot of time investing in their children. 

You can also look at this from the flip side, which is, if you had a job, you would have to pay for childcare, you would find it a lot harder to have the food ready and keep the washing moving, and it would be harder to find time to give your children the attention they need.

Being a Mum is a really important job. If your circumstances allow for you to do so, then it is very worthwhile staying home with your kids, especially in the years before they go to school.
Remember that part of loving each other, is loving what each of you has to offer. You are a really gifted mother. Relish it.

Helloooo 5am!

I woke up at 4.30 this morning.  Not my son, not my daughter.  Me.  And I'm awake.  Bounce, bounce, bounce bounce.  :) I did try to go back to sleep, but it just wasn't going to happen.  So I'm having a coffee and the dog is keeping me company and I absolutely refuse to take him for a walk until there is at least a bit of daylight outside.

Today is day 4 of having no sugar.  I have gotten off the stuff before, but we moved and bad habits were renewed.  I do wonder if that is why I am awake.  When I exercise, I find I need less sleep.  6 hours and I'm up bouncing! So perhaps if I'm not eating sugar I sleep better and need less sleep too.  All theory of course.

It has been a lot easier to get off sugar the second time around.  I wasn't eating as much as I used to so not as far to go I guess.  I had a headache the first day, but I dont know if that was the sugar or just muscular.  I felt really lethargic the second day, but after that I have picked up.  I got a lot done yesterday and didn't feel like I needed a rest after lunch.  It's all up from here.

I heard the early bird.  Yes, it's 5.45 am and definitely light outside.  Off I go.....



5:47 am - The blugger won't post.