Drop zone

I felt really bad this morning.  Perhaps I do have motherly qualities after all.

My daughter did not want to go to school this morning.  She had a tummy ache.  (Such a convenient illness as it is entirely subjective.)  After we had talked about the source of her tummy ache, - she doesn't like the crowding around the schoolroom door when lunch is over but the teacher hasn't arrived yet, we decided we'd go to school.  On the way there I made a comment about how, now that she was in grade 1, she could be dropped off in the drop off zone like the bigger kids instead of being walked to her classroom like the Preps.  Consequently, she told me she would like to be dropped off, please.  Now I would like to make it clear that I did offer to walk her in as we got closer to the school, but she was adamant that she would like to be dropped off.

I pulled into the drop-off zone.  We were exactly on time so the traffic had slowed down by now.  When we got out of the car, we were hit by a howling wind.  She put on her backpack and held her hat on her head with both hands.  Then she wasn't so sure.  So I left the car idling in the drop off zone, with my son in it, and walked the 30 odd metres to her classroom.  I said goodbye and gave her a kiss and she walked timidly inside.  As I stood up and glanced through the window, I saw a room full of parents carefully unpacking their children's school bags. 

I felt bad.  Obviously I had no choice but to go back to the idling car, but I kept turning around to see if my daughter was running back towards me.  She didn't.  I assume everything went OK but..... she doesn't like crowds, and 20 odd kids plus 20 odd parents in a classroom makes a crowd.  I spent the next hour imagining her putting her own lunchbox, drink bottle and bag away, whilst squeezing past strange parents and unfamiliar children.  I would not be surprised if she cried.  I almost did.

 I do have confidence in the teacher.  She seems like just the right sort of person to notice this self-reliant, neglected child and take care of her. I will have to talk to her this afternoon.

I still feel bad.  I will do something extra special with my daughter.  I will not drop her off on her own tomorrow.